The Fourth Wall

Time to bring down the walls and get a little honest and get a little gritty. The past few months have been so difficult with a side of crying-in-the-shower moments. Ah, life. 


It’s no surprise that my anxiety is something that I deal with on a day-to-day basis and can at times be crippling. After 10+ years of living that pharma-life, I switched from meds to using exercise as a form of relief and have never looked back. But recently, my anxiety has gotten so out of hand due to seeing my finances become depleted within a two-month span.

Money isn’t one of those topics we like to talk about so openly, but shit, the struggle has been so real once April 29th roll around. And if we’re being completely transparent, one of the first things I said to my friends when they found me all mangled up was, “I don’t have insurance, how am I going to pay for this?”

Shortly after I fainted in the hot, musky jungles of Tulum.

It’s sort of insane how quickly our healthcare system can force us to choose between treatment or bankruptcy. Obviously, I decided to go with the latter, which was quickly followed by Miles’ emergency surgery. And if we’re being honest, my parents haven’t been able to support me in over 10+ years. So dollar ramen bowls have been a recurring staple in my kitchen.

There was just no winning this summer and so I dealt with it the only way I knew how. Lots of drinking (the worse choice by far), full-on crying sessions, long runs, and finally – hustling like no other. And by the looks (/budgeting) of it all, it’s going to be pretty tight through all of Fall.

After learning firsthand how horrible the health care system is in the States, I decided to stop dwelling on it and instead focus on how much I was able to handle on my own. It definitely sucks, but I made sure to make whatever needed to happen – happen. And that feels pretty awesome. As for the anxiety, it comes and goes in smaller waves. Not always fun but more tolerable than before.

Oh, and I’ve become a SUPER savvy shopper when it comes to sales and savings.

Photo by Lydia Hudgens.