Sometimes I Scare Myself

The amount of random thoughts that enter my head make me wonder if it's an early sign of schizophrenia. 

But other than that!

This morning after settling into psychology class and fake pretending to take notes because the professor was lecturing in my direction, in the midst of my zoning out (Adderall can never help with that) this strange feeling came back. It's a feeling I've always had in my gut: that there is more I can do to help others (animals included). Sometimes I get upset with relationships because I know the other person can do all these things and more, but they don't. That's the other thing, I'm patient because I want to see change and I want to help. 

And then it hit me. Do I want to continue in film? I've always like the aspect of spreading a message through that medium but the politics behind filmmaking is insane. So for the past year now I've been thinking about teaching at a high school, or a middle school and enabling kids to want better for themselves (aka succeed in life?). But... I was also thinking of working at an AIDs clinic... not a doctor or anything like that but just  someone to help people through a hard time by lending them my ears.

It's weird these moods that I get into at times because it just makes me sad that there isn't more that we aren't doing for one another. It makes me sad that I'm not doing more.

Last time this weird mood got me all out of wack I sent the army my information.

Maybe I should become one of those life organizers or life coach. Maybe I should just take a K-Pin, fall asleep to the sounds of Andrew Bird, and worry about these "what am I going to do with myself?" questions another day.

P.s. I have way too many conversations with myself. Maybe it is schizophrenia and no one is telling me anything!!