I really want to smoke a cigarette. It's not even dark out and I feel like I lost the only bit of sanity holding me together. I guess quitters never win.
99 problems and a dick ain't one.
I wake up late for class and unable to make it since class has already started. My mother asked "does it matter if you go to class anyway, and since you're up why not go to the gym". Of course it does when your GPA determines whether or not you stay at Hunter. My phone which I put under my pillow to make sure I was never late again (didn't work did it) was being destroyed in my dog's mouth. My crazy brother was having a tantrum and punching walls, and I had to get out of the house before I lost it. I never received a time change for this gig I had at the 'Burg, so I ended up losing it because my phone was being damaged. Once in the 'Burg (remember I was not aware of the time change) I decided not to waste the trip, instead of hanging out this kid asked if I had pills. NO I AM NOT A DRUG MULE! Pissed, I head home.
Did I lose it? Yes I think I lost it today when this older man sat down next to me on the train telling me he would love to get head with lips as full as mine.
What happened next. I yelled pervert at him, went to the next train cart and listened to my IPOD all the way home. But I don't think I lost it then, I think I lost it when I realized that FEDEX came today and was unable to deliver the package because my inconsiderate brother does not stop playing his video games for anyone, and I mean anyone. So I cried. Only for a little bit because crying doesn't get you anything.
And let me tell you something else honeypants... ranting does not help the cause. Especially ranting on a blog, so please no pity. Just get angry with me at those in the way, because it honestly feels like someone is trying to push me down, and that is not going to happen. Yes, I may cry just a bit but it's part of the process of getting me where I need to be within the next year (weather girl on CW11). There are people who are smart and beautiful and funny and live a life of ease. I know super unfair. But what is really unfair is that they taught us the word and taught us that everyone has to be treated fairly. Fuck that, how about teaching us that in life some people have a little extra than us and yes it is unfair, so we should just deal with it.
That's why I stopped crying, and started to deal with it. I may have wasted a morning/semester, but the day/semester is not over. And no, I'm not going to waste money on a pack of cigarettes because of this stress-out. I rather waste it on more Marc Jacobs thank you very much.
