Someone once told me that when it hurts, you need a distraction.
Now it seems like these distractions have consumed me disguising themselves as causeless errands.
Question: does it ever stop?
October 4th 2010.
The soft singing of hymns from the bathroom slowly stir me from my place within. The clock by the bed tells me it's not time yet, but what is she doing there. I sit up and ask her what's wrong. She comes to me and sits on her side of the bed. Someone's going to die today she tells me basking in serenity. Not giving my brain the time to digest this I lay down and turn over and return to a destroyed realm. I wake up to my brother shouting. You're gonna die anyway.
Answer: Never.
This is why it hurts to be alone and unwanted. On my dog walks, me and miles sit at a park bench. At least then, we're not alone and I'm forced to repress the memory within me.
Other times, I wish someone would hug me, say tomorrow will be better and we could have a small chat about anything. Just so I could feel included in something positive for once.
But for tonight, the park bench will have to do before I distract myself with another round of classes and work.
