Indiana Jones is Not My Hero

As I get comfortable on the futon I'm waiting for the next toke and amusing myself with the photographs of people who have died from gun. I've always wanted to shoot a gun so I make a mental note to find a shooting range in Queens.

He starts the conversation.
Him: Yeah she's been weird lately. Always hitting me up and I'm just not that sort of guy.
Me: I thought all guys were like that. Didn't you ever hear "every time I see the ceiling I fall in love".
Him: What the fuck. No, what are you talking about.
Me: Well it's scientific and I don't know possibly psychological way of looking of how girls treat sex.
Him: Explain yourself.
Me: Well every time a girl fucks a guy these chemicals get released into her blood and it's the same chemicals that give her the "I'm in love with you" emotions.
Him: That explains a lot.
Me: I mean maybe she just wants to keep fucking you because it makes her feel good on the inside and not necessarily want anything more. And it's safer when it's the same person instead of I don't know, let's say 23 people.

He starts to play with his phone.

Him: Well in that case you need to leave soon because I just told her to come.
Me: You're a dick.

I get up and leave.

Once I'm outside I forgot to mention that after a lot of random/casual hook ups (usually takes place after 2.5 months) she may in fact get crazy and want something more meaningful. Oops. He did kick me out so I'll consider this karma.


So much for boycotting blow jobs and not having sex.

Reminder: Don't get incredibly high and watch porn with said persons while taking back shots of disgusting tasting liquor.

My Ass is Tighter than Versace

Jay-Z, I was looking forward to seeing you in concert tonight to prove to you that I know the words to your shit. I wanted to be that model in the mosh pit who was dancing off beat. God damn, I'm sad because I wanted to see what ghetto and high fashion look like when they meet. I guess listening/watching you will have to suffice until the very next time. Fail.

I have a billion things I wish to write about, but how do I make it this entry consistent. I guess I don't.

Today, like any normal day (or so I thought): I showered, was told to hit the gym by my mother, headed to school (without hitting the gym), learned nothing in French, read some books inside Barnes and Nobles, and headed to work after eating some Pop-Eyes.

And than at work I saw Mr. 205. He came in and left, and it didn't hit me until he left that I looked horrible today. I was rockin' the side ponytail, pale skin, and oversized sweater with tights look. Point blank, I looked like I just got out of bed, because today wasn't like all the normal days since I didn't have my daily viewing of Rachel Zoe. So from now on, besides hitting up the tanning salon, I will never leave my house without watching Rachel Zoe. Be prepared for anything.

Oh god, that previous passage sucked ass! I want to delete it, but I won't. I was reading this article in Details, it was about big penises and what it means to guys. I didn't know guys cared that much about their measure, until I read that. Apparently how big their ego is equivalent to their dick size. Guys can lose their jobs, shelter, girlfriends, but as long as they have their girth they are good to go. That can explain some things. But what about if they just suck ass? Now do they just find girls that are willing to put up with their weak performance because they are big? I for one will not stand for that. I say performance matters way more than penis size will. Besides guys with bigger dicks tend to act like bigger dicks. If you don't agree I will gladly prove you wrong, any second of the day.

I guess that's why these were invented... cause people suck anyway.