It Got Axed Out - So It's on Here Instead.



After a weeklong festival of free booze and live music, I've learned a few valuable lessons on how to get through CMJ with a vag.

1. Test yourself
Avoiding baby daddy issues now will eliminate confusion and a guest spot on "Maury" later.



2. Always carry tissue paper
Most venue bathrooms are disgusting and poorly stocked, so have your own supply.



3. Keep your drink straight
Know your limit and keep an eye on your drink. Don't be that girl who passed out because she couldn't hold her own. Or that girl who got roofied.



4. Wash your clothes
You'll be constantly going from one venue to another, stopping only to eat and maybe sleep, so there's no time for laundry. Even if your clothes smell fine, wash them -- venues usually have black lights and nothing will scare off paid-by-him beers more than a glowing stain.



5. Don't wear pants
With all the free booze, limited bathrooms, and traveling, you'll regularly be popping a squat. Tights and leggings facilitate this, obviously.



Oh yeah, and try to have trust worthy friends who aren't complete cock-sucking douche bags that take photos of you while you're peeing.

6. Have a name sticker
If you're single, partying with your bros can instantly kill your game, so don't risk anything being misconstrued. Be forward and let everyone know that you're single, broke, and desperate.



7. Stock up on free booze
RSVP for all the parties with free drinks and throw them back with abandon while they're available. And then before you leave, stuff as much free beer as possible into your bag. What? Shit is expensive in New York.



8. Avoid the badge-less
If you're from New York, avoid all your friends without badges at all cost or else they'll end up guilt tripping you into going to bullshit parties with $6 PBRs. You can see those assholes next week.





Always be prepared for anything and everything, technically.