31 Years of Marriage & Counting

I had an optional assignment for sexual psychology. It would boost my test score up ten points, so of course I did it. I had to ask people from different categories, what were the traits of they wanted in a long-term partner. Most participants all agreed on trust. Sort of boring answers, but very crucial to having a long lasting relationship. Then I got an e-mail from my brother-in-law's mom. She fell into the category of being married thirty plus years.

Here's her response to my assignment:

1.)  A partner should be someone who has qualities that you admire and respect. 
2.)  A partner should be someone who shares your goals and priorities.  This would include two big sources of controversy in relationships: money and raising children.
3.)  A partner who enjoys some of the same activites and shares similar interests means you will be able to have fun together and will continue to enjoy each other's company.
4.)  A partner should be someone who encourages you to grow and develop new interests and talents.
5.)  A partner should have the ability to listen and to talk about things; he or she should be someone who respects your opinions and feelings. 
6.)  A partner should be forgiving of your failings and willing to help you become a better person.
7.)  A partner needs to be able to accept your minor faults and annoying habits rather than try to change these. 
8.)  A partner should always support you on both a physical and emotional level. 
9.)  A partner should make you feel loved and cherished.
As of yesterday, March 13, we have been married for 31 years. Whew!  It hasn't all been rosy, but no marriage is, nor is any one person.  I think it is important to recognize that.  Some stages in life are more difficult and stressful, mistakes will be made, strong words will be used.  I have come to realize that nursing grudges and mentally storing and reviewing every hurtful word or deed does not work for me.  I have also witnessed many marriages fall apart and end in divorce, and many of these cases have surprised me because to the outside world (and some of these were close friends) those marriages seemed "perfect."  If you truly commit to be in it for life, for better or for worse, why not do your best to make each day "better."


Sometimes we get so caught up in this Hollywood materialized love, and that never lasts. Ever. She mentioned acceptance,  forgiveness, being appreciative, respect, and all these other great qualities that people my age and younger never really take into account. Some of us go for the cool hipster kid that is uber hawt, then we cry and spend time lurking on their facebook walls. Anywhoozers, I just really love her response and can totally dig it and abide by them.