-(916): Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.


-(416): Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.


-(301): you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.


-(313): So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.


-(712): the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout


-(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.


-(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"


-(617): sounds like you fell off the wagon.

(1-617): fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.


-(303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
(1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.


-(313): i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.


-(510): Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.


-(608): so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"