Real World Attempt #2

Obviously I am a hopeful, but I have fast thoughts that seem to lose momentum when I decide against being spontaneous. Meaning: I hope this a good read and comprehendible. Let’s not make this our final encounter.

A brief bio of my 22 years seems nearly ridiculous but here is the attempt with a tinge of humor. Other than getting to know me, I intend on making you giggle like a schoolgirl. My name is Aileen G. Ol---- and I was born and (still) raised in Queens, NY. Off from Hunter College this semester due to late grade changes I will resume the following spring, with the attempt of finally getting my Film Degree. I’ve learned my lessons about Psych finals and taking free Vodka shots the night before and how they are completely insoluble. I resolve to study more and to only drink on designated party Tuesdays. If that fails I may just choose to live out my fantasy film editor dreams starting at the bottom of the ladder with internships. It’s too soon to judge now.

Lucky for me I have a few great friends who would describe me as genuine, sassy, funny, and adventurous, amongst other things. If they were to describe me with a negative word (which I hope not), I wouldn't have a clue since I'm prone to being oblivious to the obvious. I was prescribed Adderall for my ADD but in all honestly, I hate taking it – it makes me tired. But without it I tend to zone out at the most importune times, hit on okay-looking guys aggressively at the bars, make lists of things to purchase when I shouldn’t, over shop when guilt-ridden and armed with a list of things to purchase, slowly create short personal films, schedule my week in hourly order, and sometimes when I'm really lucky I blast Drake on my Ipod and sing as loud as possible on an empty subway car because I am the best. Or wish to think. I am also slowly trying to cut back on the whole Brooklyn party scene to no avail. Too many good-looking skinny jeans wearing chaps are making it hard. Things will change once school starts up.

Currently, I'm working at Abercrombie & Fitch on Fifth Avenue. With the amazing flexibility, they offer I can continue to model to help pay off my embarrassing credit card debt along with contributing to a website called . I believe I have a hate following which could be bad or good.

Let's talk about the family. My parents have been divorced for 15 years, and I don't have any issues with that. They couldn't work it out and so they went out in search of happiness, which I hope they were able to find. My father remarried and gave me a younger brother who is extremely hyper; I feel bad for him since my dad is too old to run after him. My stepmother and I don't have the best relationship, which is why I can't ever live with my dad for long periods of time; it’s just how things are. My lovely ma also got remarried, unfortunately, her husband passed away due to complications of AIDS. I live with my mom now and am aching to move out so I can have boys over. Unfortunately, that seems impossible with wages being so low and rent being so high, and with the MTA now raising their fare and my pre-existing debt. And with the advent of 2012, I will probably never experience it.

Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be for now. CENSORED – she believes I am a strong individual. Being strong/independent is another strong quality that everyone seems to think I behold. In some parts, I can see why they get that impression, but I have my moments as well where it feels like the world could come crashing down at any moment. But they are after all only moments, and when you live through them it gets you accustomed to not look back.

I do have more siblings. An older sister Tanya who could pass for my twin except she is five years my senior, and my brother Michael, a year younger. My sister could be my best friend she knows everything about me except for the dirty sexy racy things that happen, because well that's just weird! She also gave me the amazing gift of being a locita tia (crazy aunt). Michael and I just fight all the time; he thinks I’m trying to poison him. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and took meds for a short while, and then his paranoia overtook him. I do love him and worry he’ll end up living on the subways. There is nothing I could do. He won’t listen to anything I say due to his paranoia.

Now on to my non-existent love life. Don’t get me wrong, I am interested in the other sex, the other sex just always manages to dick me over. At this point being a dick is one of the qualities I look for in a boyfriend. Joking of course. There was a point in life, two years back, when I was in a serious relationship (whoa! I need to change that). Things got a bit hectic after CENSORED and we lost each other forever by not communicating our real thoughts. Finally, over the devastating break-up, I am now trying to come up with a better reason to tell people why "I will love forever" is tattooed on my in-progress bicep.

I have never immersed myself in a relationship the way I did with him and am finally looking forward to doing it again with someone new. A new ride, a new adventure, a new memory that will make me realize how far deep my feelings can go for someone and the torturous pain of separation. Three months ago I would have probably cried my eyes out over it. Not anymore and I’m happy, even with all the other drama-rific things going on in my family. In fact, at this very intense moment, a pursuit may have started and I think I like it. Although I am unsure of what is really going on it’s best to just go with the flow and not expect anything. For now, though my blind puppy keeps me company at night since I'm scared to sleep alone with or without a night-light.

If there is one thing that I have noticed is through-out my life I keep getting thrown into these heavy situations where I'm amazed that I was able to make out in one piece, and though I'm going through something I will always make time to see someone's frown go upside down, even when I'm dying on the inside. I enjoy having fun installing new memories in my cranium than dwelling on the past or negativity. Life is short and I’m making the best of it, day by day. Care to join/document me and the other strangers?

fotos submitted with e-mail:

Let's see how far I make the second time around.